


Can You Feel This?

by StarsAndSkies (LittleMissWrath)



Series: The Ties That Bind Us [1]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Default Hawke (Dragon Age), Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Mage Hawke (Dragon Age), Mage Trevelyan (Dragon Age), The Fade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-28 20:45:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16249478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleMissWrath/pseuds/StarsAndSkies
Summary: “Ah, you don’t want to hear it, right? You don’t want to hear how you left him behind for saving a useless Warden. Where is he now? Where is Alistair, Hazel?”





	Can You Feel This?

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Fictober 2018.  
> Prompt: Can you feel this?
> 
> English is not my native language so you'll probably find some grammatical mistakes. I'm sorry!

“Can you feel this?” Garrett asked as he took Hazel’s hand and placed it on his bare chest.

Her eyes sought his warm gaze, her bottom lip quivering as she felt his rhythmic heartbeat in her palm. She looked away when a single tear slipped down her cheek, struggling not to sob as she tangled her fingers in his jet black hair.

“Hazel,” he murmured her name, and she shuddered at the way he pronounced it; so familiar, but so different at the same time.

The sharp throbbing pain in her left hand deepened, causing her to wince, the intense heat of the mark spreading up her arm. Her legs weakened, and she clung to him, digging her nails into his shoulders as everything around her seemed to fade to black.

“Hazel, it’s me. I promise,” he pleaded, but she could barely hear him because of the persistent buzzing that clouded her mind and made her dizzy. His fingers grasped her chin, and he tried to tilt her head upwards as he insisted, “look at me, please.”

“I—I can’t,” she replied, turning her face away and resting her cheek against the soft dark fuzz that covered his chest. The smell of embers and smoke, with a hint of elfroot and mint, filled her lungs, and she allowed herself to relax a little, breathing in his scent as the long-awaited warmth of his body wrapped her. His strong arms curled around her waist, pulling her against him and hugging her tightly. Her mouth opened, but the words she so longed to say died in her throat as a torrent of tears flowed from her eyes.

Garrett buried his face in the crook of her neck, his beard tickling her skin as he murmured, “but it’s me, love. It’s me. Why are you crying?”

“Where are we?” Hazel sobbed, tears soaking her face and his chest. Her fingers lazily trailed up his broad shoulders as she traced the outlines of his muscles, feeling under her palm the rough touch of his scarred skin. “This—this can’t be possible, Garrett. I saw how you—I left you there. I failed you.”

“No! I’m alive and safe! We’re together! Why can’t you see it?” Garrett’s arms tightened around her, stroking her back as if he tried to reassure her with his touch.

Safe; it sounded wrong on his lips, deceptive, and Hazel's stomach twitched as a chill ran down her spine when he pressed his mouth against her jaw. For a moment, just for a tiny moment, she considered trusting him and letting herself be carried away for his warm embrace, even if the entire world fell apart around them, or if it meant condemning her soul to whoever that creature was. But that man, that man couldn’t be him.

The mark throbbed in her hand, bringing her back to reality, and she cried out in pain while their surroundings changed; the previous darkness giving way to the green glow of the Fade that always accompanied her, awake and sleep, in her sweetest dreams and scariest nightmares.

Releasing herself from his arms, she stepped back and rested her hands on his chest to keep balance as she struggled with the sickness in the pit of her stomach. Hazel stared at her trembling fingers on his pale skin, unable to look up at his face, afraid of getting lost in those deep brown eyes she had missed so much. Her thumb circled the lightning-strike scar that covered part of his chest, and her lips curled into a sad smile as the memories of their first time sparring together invaded her mind.

Tears stung her eyes, and she blinked to clear her foggy vision as her body quaked, her shattered heart aching in her chest. “Why are you doing this?” Her hands went up to his shoulders, then his neck, and she cupped his cheeks to get his attention. “Why are you trying to confuse me?”

He frowned at her words and took her hands in his, bringing them to his mouth and placing soft kisses across her palms. His lips twitched, as if he were trying to smile at her. Instead, he mumbled, “what are you talking about? I thought you’d be glad to see me, to be together again.”

“You’re not him,” Hazel pointed out, trying to stay calm, breathing deeply despite the intense pain in her hand and the numbness of her limbs. “You don’t even sound like him.”

A lightning bolt flashed across the greenish horizon, followed by the rumble of thunder that made her shudder as she regained consciousness of herself and her surroundings.

The pain, grief and guilt were still there, ripping her apart, but her rage was stronger than the longings of her soul. She stared at her trembling hands as her lethargic magic began to wake up, flowing uncontrollable throughout her body. The buzz of her powers crackled over her skin, and she stretched her fingers out as a familiar tingling spread through her left arm.

“Hazel,” he whispered, and his eyes narrowed as he stepped towards her with outstretched arms, the features of his face distorted by his disturbing grin. His calloused fingers brushed her cheek before tucking a lock of ash-blond hair behind her ear. Then, he said in a monotone, flat tone, “my love, there are no worries, fears or pain here. We could be happy you and I, just as I promised you.”

It hurt, it hurt too much; it hurt to have him in front of her knowing it wasn’t him, it hurt to hear his lifeless voice, and it hurt to face him, to face that abomination that smelled like him, that had his eyes, his hair, his smile.

“I said you’re not him,” she hissed, slapping his arm away from her face.

Garrett cackled in response, holding out his hand and he commented, “Guilt is stronger than common sense, isn’t it?” He pointed at her with a bony finger, the delusion fading away.

Her body reacted to his words, and she pushed him as hard as she could, then jumped back to distance himself from him and grab her staff. Her fist clasped around nothing, and she cursed as she looked around, assessing her chances before starting the fight.

“What were you going to do, oh almighty Inquisitor?” He asked, approaching her. “You can’t kill me because I’m already dead, love. Because of you. I wonder how can you live with it?”

“Shut up,” she warned, adopting a defensive stance as her whole body trembled with rage and fury, blood boiling in her veins.

“Ah, you don’t want to hear it, right? You don’t want to hear how you left him behind for saving a useless Warden. Where is he now, huh? Where is Alistair, Hazel?”

Another thunder rumbled closer as if the leaden sky was about to collapse on them at any moment. The mark flickered, and she cried out in pain, trying to catch her breath and relax her cramped muscles by allowing her anger to take control of her body and mind.

“Shut—up,” she repeated, lightning bolts crackling around them as she focused all her power on her left arm.

“Hazel,” his voice changed when he pronounced her name this time; softer, sweeter, barely a gasp mumbled between his lips the way he used to. He held out his hand with a huge smile that, despite his obvious efforts to deceive her, didn’t reach his eyes. “Stay with me,” he pleaded. “I can heal you. I can heal your heart and your soul. Don’t you miss him? You could have him back, and I’ll get you. We both win.”

“You won’t get anything from me,” she growled as she stepped back to gather momentum before jumping forward and pounce on him. “Not now, not ever.”

The Spirit Blade flashed in her left hand, and Garrett’s eyebrows rose in surprise as she sank the sword deep into his stomach, ripping his flesh apart. He fell on his knees, and Hazel let herself go with him, holding his head with her right hand as the dark blood that flowed from him dyed her clothes dark red. Their eyes met, but there was nothing human in his gaze; there was nothing at all. Then, the blade vanished, and she put her arms around his body as everything became a blur around them.

“Hazel. Hazel, c’mon,” a friendly voice called her in the distance, and she smiled despite the physical and emotional pain that numbed her body. She took a deep breath and lifted her head to the sky, eyes closed, letting the icy raindrops mingle with her bitter tears as the voice spoke again, “it’s okay. You’re safe.”

Hazel woke up with a jolt, confused and disoriented, gasping for air as her heart pounded in her chest. She sat up in the sleeping mat, squinting until her eyes got used to the darkness of the tent. There was no trace of blood on her hands or her clothes, and she sighed in relief as she wiped the thin layer of sweat that covered her forehead with the back of her hand. “Varric?”

“Yeah, it’s me, Sprinkles,” the dwarf replied as he put his tiny hand on her shoulder, lips curled into a sad smile. He gave her a reassuring squeeze while asking, “Hawke again? Do you want to talk about it?”

Words stuck in her throat, and she shook her head in response, covering her mouth with her hands to stifle a sob. The image, the touch of his lifeless body, even if it wasn’t him, was still too vivid in her memories. “No, it’s always the same, and to be honest, I'd rather forget it.”

“Okay.” Varric patted her back and stood up to pick up her staff from the ground. “Well, I think you might need this,” he added, handing it to her. “Because Alistair is here and he has brought some friends with him.”

“Who?”

“You’ll see.” He smirked at her, then said, “needless to say that they’re more than willing to help us.”

“It’s been too long,” she lamented as she used her staff to stand up, the news of the Warden’s return as well as Varric’s hopeful expression piquing her curiosity.”We don’t even know if he—”

“He’s alive. Trust me,” Varric interrupted her, and she thanked him with a half smile, aware of what she had been about to say. He put his hand on her arm, and said, “you two are the most stubborn people I’ve ever met, and I’m sure he’ll be fighting tooth and nail to survive in there.”

“I don’t know, Varric. I—I don’t know.”

”Hazel, we’ll bring him back.”

**Author's Note:**

> Big thanks to Naromoreau and Linaloe for always supporting me.
> 
> I created Hazel Trevelyan a few months ago, and what started as a joke is now one of my favourites OTPs.
> 
> And if you're curious about her, this is her tag on Tumblr: [Hazel Trevelyan](http://starsandskies.tumblr.com/tagged/hazel-trevelyan).


End file.
